Is it possible to mend a broken heart?

I kinda killed myself when i handed in a piece of unfinished work for the final assignment. I kinda killed myself again when i was 2 hours late for a presentation with the whole coursemates.

I am.....

Do i live a life for myself or do i live my life for others? Which is the easier way? Which is the right way? I still need time to find out. However, time is running out. I can't live that long and i'm still wasting my time. I really dont know what to say anymore. I blog for the sake of blogging. I know i have to blog but then and again, i don't know why i blog.

Sorry for having such a emo-blog but then and again, i dont suppose anyone would be reading it.

"You're too apologetic"

What's light, what's darknes? Without one, can the other survive?

Well, the past few days have been... yeah, nothing to talk about. Today, soccer wasn't as good as i thought it would be. Actually, it sucked but still, having everyone around was still cool. I think i should improve myself before going to the field again. After that, went home straight because dad has a dinner to attend. I didnt know my dad was the vice-financial manager of "Ri Xin Liondance Troupe". He was amongst the 12 being awarded on stage infront of 100over tables of guests. Although it's a little beng-ish, I have to say im proud of him. Stayed home for 2 reasons, 1 cos i had a headache, 2 cos i wanted to watch Lotr, didnt regret it. Yet, it was another fun day missed with the girls. I know that fun would always be there when out with the girls.

I feel like typing so much yet, the lack of motivation is there.

It's better not to dream; Dreams are called dreams because they never come true.

Empty, so empty, so fucking empty.

It's day 3 of bored-ness. Today was still not bad. I woke up at 10am to have breakfastat toa pa yoh with uncle,aunt&cousin. After that, we went to bishan J8 for a walk. Followed by a movie, Get Smart at amk hub. Didnt expect myself to be watching Get Smart with them hahah. Glad that they enjoyed it. After that, we went to thomson plaza for a little walk before going home. It's 6.27pm and i'm feeling very low. There's just something missing, either in my life or in me. I'm not sure. I don't want to fall into depression but i'm afraid it may just happen again. I need to fill my life up. I dont think i have enough friends. I need more friends. I need shopaholics, movie-fanatics & slackalilics. God, what am i to do now?

Call Dad's secretary to get cheque for school.
Remove the bag of MacDonald infront of me ( mess made by my brother)
Finish up the homework that is to be handed in tomorrow
Do the needed housework.

Yeah, life CAN be that boring.

Boreday

Well, it's a sunday today. I'm so freaking bored. 4.01pm and i'm still home. Who to go out with? Alvin is studying, and yeah i don't have many friends. I want to watch movies but damn the theatres for making it so difficult for us to watch a movie thanks to the ticket price. I want to go shopping but yet, money level ain't as high plus, i reckon no one would want to go shopping with me; I'm a reckless shopper. Why is life so boring?

Sensational

I still think my life is kinda boring. I don't have much to do. It's a saturday morning, okay, it's a saturday afternoon already. The thing is, i can't find anything to do! There're tons of homework though but i'm really not that into homework now. This sucks. I still think i'm not the person i want to be. I want to be everything else but me. Wild is fun and i'm not wild. Oh no, why am i up and complaining about all these on a saturday?!? Right, i'm gonna go work out, bathe and find someone to go out with :)

If you just believe.

YES! I PASSED MY FREAKING DRIVING TEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHHAHAH, for the record, the tester passed me with a "very good" remark okay?!

Firstly, i really have to thank this person which is ALVIN CHAN MING FA. Well, he was the one who was constantly giving me encouragement and support. So, yeah thanks again man.

I don't really have much to blog about. Except that nvm.

It's easy cos' you're beautiful.

My God, test is coming up already. I am SO NERVOUS i tell you. Like, i'm always wanting to go to the toilet. I can't really think right now. Just hope that i won't hit any poles during parallel parking, turn at the right mark during vertical parking, turn correctly at the small lane parking, turn properly at direction change, not mount or strike the kerb at that road with weird curves, do the right slope procedures & of course, drive smoothly on the road. It would probably be one of the worse 40mins of my life.

I can't get the feeling of whether it's going to be good or bad.PRETTY PLEASE LET ME PASS THANK YOU! :D

Raindrops falling on my head.

Happy Father's day of course.

Mahjong for the afternoon before dinner with family at chinatown. I have to admit, the food was great. Definitely going to bring siying there. hahah. Saw Colin,Perly & Jordan on the way back. Went to town for a while before heading home.

It's a wonder why some people can do such things. Well, it may probably just be different points of view.

Driver's test is finally here. Tomorrow would be on of the stressest day of my life. I look forward to this day ever since i learned the word "car". However, i just don't know if i'm ready for it. Confidence level not very high. Hey besties, if i don't call you guys by 3pm tomorrow, it will mean that my license would have to wait. Oh no, i still haven't gotten my passport photo for the license. I think i have to wake up earlier tomorrow to go take, in case i pass you know.

I really really really really really really really really really really really really really really hope i can PASS. :)

Saturday Night Life.

Wow, i think i'm the only one among my friends who go to school on a Saturday. I think it was a waste of time. I had to give a skid, a presentation and then a reflection on peer-pressure. After that, i pretty much spent the half of my saturday listening to the rest of my course mates do the same thing. Went to gardens to get dinner and decided, that i shall rent alot of dvds so that i can watch at home. In the end, 4 out of 6 dvds that i borrowed belonged to my mum. Note : They were all horror flicks. I still don't understand why my mum loves horror flicks. Currently, while typing this, someone is getting killed in the movie body #19. I just went through Jessica Alba's version of The Eye. Well, at least there's a hot woman in the show. Even my mum stopped to say, this woman, very pretty.

Pretty much spent the rest of my night surfing up entertainment news again. I've got the craze for the whole Miley-Jonas thing which i think would be a little too young and gay for me. Well, who cares. So as to speak, i shall feed you, whoever is reading some entertainment news. :)

Oprah Winfrey tops the Forbes Most Influential Celebrites List yet again. Well, what kind of surprise is that? The tv mogul claimed top spots despite recent ratings dropping for her magazines. Coming up as 2nd is Highly acclaimed golfer, Tiger Woods. Yeah, golf takes you somewhere far. Coming in at 3rd place is my personal favourite Angelina Jolie. Taking into the account that she sells as many magazine covers as the sichuan news , going around saving people and the news of her expecting twins, you've got to expect this. Right behind Angie, is Powerhouse Singer and recently made Mrs Jay-Z, Beyonce Knowles. You go girl! Mr no.5 goes to the hottest soccer player i've ever seen - David Beckham. Lucky number 6 went to Pirate Johnny Depp. Jay-Z stood by his woman by getting the number 7 spot. Couple power baby. 8th place goes to "The Police" which i've personally never heard of before. 9th place goes to richest author ever J.K Rowling. Well, being a billionare and having written the most sensational book other than the bible do get you somewhere. Rounding in at top 10 would be Hot Daddy to be again and partner to No.3. He is none other than Brad Pitt.

Miley Cyrus made headlines by leading the very few tween pack in the list by making her way to No.35. The disney star has sold all her concert tickets and has fans all over the world. Her recent picture scandals especially the one with Vanity Fair certainly boosted her ratings. Speaking of Disney, 4 out of the only 5 tween sensations are all backed by Disney. Jonas Brothers, Zac Efron & Ashley Tisdale made the cut. Daniel Radcliffe, the Harry Potter Star made it to the list too.

Va-va-voom. Ex-Victoria's Secret Supermodels Gisele Bundchen, Tyra Banks & Heidi Klum too made the list. Their success didn't end with their contracts. They proved themselves worthy of the title "Supermodels".

2007 Emmy winner for Best Supporting Actress Katherine Heigl has decided not to put her name in the ballad this year because the actress herself felt that she did not do well enough to be in the list. Well, there's always a next year Heigl, if you manage to still be in Grey's.

In Singapore, The most prestigious ceremony which honours the best in channel 8 television aka "Star Awards" will NOT BE around for the year. CEO of Mediacorp told reporters that the award show would be postponed till March next year. This would be the same for years to come. The reason of this would be to accomodate the releases of major series during the Nov-Dec period. This would enable a fair chance for those series too.

Well, are the people taking it well? The only ones complaining were the supporters of mega-drama "Huang Jing Lu". It was said that veteran actor Tay Ping Hui and newcomer "Bak Kut Mei" were the shoo-ins for the supporting trophies. Even Ah Jie Chen Liping's portrayal as a widow who has to raise 5 kids, 2 of them she didn't conceive - deserve a Actress Nod. The delay of the ceremony would definitely affect the impact of the series in the long-run.

Okay, i realised i typed too much but well, this is what i enjoy doing. Goodnight. :)

Panda Eats Shoots & Leaves.

Class was boring today. Well, not many people turned up at all. Went for the second last lesson of driving and i didn't hit any poles today! hahahah. Well, i do hope that the same thing would happen on the test day. I'm getting more and more nervous. My dad hopes i pass on the first attempt because most of the people we know did. I'm so stressed. I haven't felt so stressed since the "O" Levels.

Went to watch Kungfu Panda with Aunt and Cousin. Aunt bought my ticket and i was more than happy because i'd love to watch Kungfu Panda. However, it meant another day of missed out fun with the gang. Sorry guys. Kungfu Panda was great. A really great feel good movie for the young and old. A must watch to brighten up your day.

Well, home is still making me feel empty. I don't like this feeling now. Can someone tell me what they're doing now?

Cars

Oh no, pimple problems back again.

Class was still the same, i'm rather proud of myself. I went ahead of the class and finished the work that was supposed to be finished by the end of the day. Thus, i had nothing to do for the 3 hours. That made class a little draggy today. Sad thing is that we have to come up with a design that consists of collar, sleeves,yoke,pleats and gathers. All these combined = ugly. I have no idea what's the lecturer thinking about.

Driving lesson was rather cool today. Circuit went rather well. Instructor saidi improved. I'm glad but i still think i'm not ready for the monday test. I saw a few people who got tested today. Gee, i hope i won't be nervous when it comes to my turn.

I always have to fill me up.

When the rain falls, i smile.

Today, I wondered. Why do i always agree with you even if i didn't. Why am i so afraid of irritating you or making you angry? Oh, i know why ; Because i love you. No, because i loved you.

In the morning i wrote you a little song, In the night the song will come to an end.

School is still the same. One of the motivation would be the eye candy next to my class. Hot. I've been going to school, home, sleep, eat, tv, sleep for the past few days. Occasional mahjongs made things worse. I feel like there isn't life other than school, home and mahjong. I need my movies soon. Com crashed last night and thank goodness i've got Royston as my friend. I think it's fated that i know someone like him in life. No one would believe that i grew up with a computer pro considering the stuffs i know ( or don't ) about the computer/technology. I can proudly tell people that i've got a computer pro as my friend :) Chat and Apple cam play was really fun with them. They never fail to put a smile on my face. hahah.

If you tell me you love me, i'll probably fall in love with you.

Lie, lie, it's all a lie.

Thats how downright fucking ugly i am. Like it?

You know what? i've decided to blog again. Yup.

Eveytime i look at my blog title, it will always be like looking into a mirror, a mirror that truly shows your face ; Your real face. Am i living as the person i'm born to be or am i living the person i want to be? I've always been thinking about it. Ever since i understood things, i've known the fact that i've always been feeling inferior. I don't hide the fact that i feel inferior and i know that it would be seen as a weakness. I don't see a wrong in feeling inferior yet, i don't want to be. That is why i want the right to make my face look better. I dont want to feel unmanly. I want to be cool. I don't fucking care if i'll no longer be me. As long as i like myself, i don't care if im not myself. Drinking protein shakes is torture and it gives me the risk of getting kidney problems but as long as it helps me gain weight and look better, i'll keep drinking it. I have no idea why i'm typing all these but hey, its a blog. I think, i write, i don't write. Thats my problem.

You say that i'm paranoid and you're right. However, have you thought about why i'd be paranoid?

It's just a fucking fucked up feeling yet, i don't feel sad. Probably nothing more can make me sad.

ICON

It's June already. I've never really looked at dates nowadays, didn't really realised that half a year has past.

Today, i thought about it. Do i want to be a designer? or do i want to be an image consultant? Pros and cons of course. In singapore, you seldom find people who would want to dress up. There are many women on the streets who think that they have very good dress sense but they actually don't. However, if you tell them that, they would actually be offended. I really wonder what's wrong with them. Well, not everyone has te same taste though. Ohh yeah, even if i become a image consultant, i'd only do formal wear. If i want to be a designer, i'd most probably go into bridal because singaporeans aren't haute enough for evening. Well, it all depends again.

I feel that my dad and i have nothing much to talk about, which is a problem. I always feel that i'm not good enough for him. He doesn't know what to talk to me about and i always have trouble finding a topic to talk about with him.

I think that i think alot and want to blog alot but everytime i start, i just cant think about what to blog about. Probably it's the tv.

I need to re-organise my thoughts again, you made me feel the need for it.

Please don't disappoint me, i've pinned alot of hopes on you.

About Me and You.

Gossip girl is a rather cool show. Watched it today during class today and were asked to discuss and share about the characters. cool class eh?

ANYWAY, I DID 131 TWO DAYS AGO!!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHHAAH. I'm a new record holder of groupie mahjong now. First and current only 131 winner. :)

My eyes hurt now so i cant type. byebye

Boogeylicious

Skipped school today cos' i wasn't feeling well. Protein shakes are helping, i gained 1 kg! hahah. well, it's not alot but it still is good.

Ps : I Love You was not bad. Not as good as i imagined but yeap, still good.

The squid and the whale was rather fine too. A little difficult to understand though.

Driving lesson was not as great just now. I just realised my final test is next week and im not even 50% ready. Darn. I still think currently, i'll choose lust over love.

Hey girl, it's time to show up.

It's all about sex.

Fear do not stop you from living your life.


LOVE. or LOVE...

which one would you pick?

Did i mention how much i love movies? Managed to catch 27 dresses, its rather nice. Met up with Jacintha and Vanda to watch Sex & the City. My, the movie is very, very stunning. All the high fashion, haute coutures and darling sex. You should have seen Carrie's wedding dress. 2 words to describe it : Absolutely Gorgeous. Kudos to Vivienne Westwood. I wouldn't mind watching it a 2nd, 3rd or 100th time.

Class has been great for the first day. Basic draping sounded alittle boring though. I think i can handle that since class is from 9-12 only.

I'm gonna play the dvd of PS: I love you now. Bye!