Water, blue. Grass, green.

I seriously dont know how to express my excitement in making a dress. Hahah. I stayed in class till 9plus just to make the sample dress and it's done! It's rather good but i hope the real one will be as nice because different materials gives different effects. Going home at such a time is really bad.

Stress is trying to force it's way up my mind and of course, i have my way to block it out. However, marketing report is to be submitted tomorrow and so is the dress. How saddening? oh, and i still need to go out with kellyn and gang later. How do i find time to finish all the work? plus, i have to do my work using photoshop. 1, i dont have photoshop. 2, i dont know how to use photoshop. haha. im so dead.

i think i dont blog like i do last time anymore. i dont know.

The Sun is the strength in my mind.

I'm rather excited. I'm finally making a dress! And of course, i always try to be special because everyone is making a short dress while i'm making a evening gown. Yes, it's going to be a challenge but i like challenges.

School has been rather..... okay. Nothing to boast about and nothing to rant about. Just that, no pretty girls or handsome guys in school :(

Watched Forbidden Kingdom yesterday with alvin (the other 23 people couldnt make it). I think it was a good movie probably because of the kungfu, jackie chan, jet li, 2 pretty ladies and the graphics and visual effects. 3.5/5. I still want to watch other movies. who wanna watch with me?

Even the most beautiful flower withers.

I can't stop thinking about the song by the Jonas Brothers - When you look me in the eyes. It's a damn cool song with 3 damn cool kids. Their dress sense is like the olsen twins, very fashion forward. I think the lyrics are quite meaningful too.

I think i can't hang out with my family because i'll keep thinking about when they die, how sad will i be. I dont know why but yeap, there's something wrong with me.

Weekends are a bore. There's definitely nothing to do during weekends. hahah. i like school, i like class. i dont know what to say anymore. bye.

Do you believe in love?

It's the 25th of April, 11.03am. I am currently sitting on my sofa trying to figure out what i'm going to do for the next 1 hour before i head down to ubi for my dental then to TP for my lesson. Every minute is important i suppose because i have a very high chance of dying young. I hope i'll be lucky enough to run away from death, at least till im done with life.

School. This is the part whereby i really love the subjects im taking and look forward to class everyday. I mean, marketing and apparel production is so darn fun. However, the spoiler is actually, seeing my classmates. Seriously, they are getting on my nerves. Everyday they would say :"eee your shirt so small", "eee you so skinny" and "eh,only gay people wear skinny jeans". Just because i dont retaliate doesn't mean i can be bullied. There were times when i wanted to say: "you are so FAT", "you are so UGLY", "you are not fit to be in ADM" and "you think your dressing very good is it?". Of course, how can i say that, they are girls and i'm not the kind who would hurt people's feelings. That's why i love my friends, as in the groupie ones. Compared to my classmates, the groupie girls rock so much. They can't take jokes as well as siying, they are not as acceptable to comments unlike kellyn and they are not as pretty as pearlyn. lol.

I had fun for the past few days.

i thought it was over but when i saw you, everything came back.

easy way or right way? i finally understood the meaning of it.

You draft before you cut.

First day of school. Yesterday was only the meeting with the director so today was the real start of the year. Marketing for Designers was so so because its interesting yet not very interesting. I dont know what to say lah. Break is from 12-3, damn sian. 3 hours also dont know do what. Had lunch with siangheng and zhanyi. im seriously glad that they came into tp. Apparel Production is cool. learning how to make dress, i hope that i won't be as lazy and dumb. Hope i do well lah.

The sun will always rise again.

Have i told you that my greatest dream is to be an actor and win an Oscar? I think i did but oh well, i just enjoy talking about it. Yes, i want to be an actor because i think being an actor is the best thing ever. You get to be a different person for different periods of time. I call it escapism. The day i can hear my name called in the ceremony would be the day i would truly say: "I did it." Well, we all have impossible dreams don't we?

So, i've got my timetable for the semester already. Well, i can't complain about it. There will be marketing for designers, apparel production 2, figure drawing and lots more that i have no idea what is it. It's 9am to 6pm everyday then. I know i've told myself to work hard for umpteen times but didn't do it in the end. Now, it's time to really not just talk the talk but walk the walk. Did that come out right?

It was my cousin Fion's birthday celebration yesterday at Fish & Co's. My sis and i organised a private function there for her family and friends. I hope she enjoyed it. I didn't. There things that i love about being an organiser. I can control things and be in charged. However, you tend to miss out the fun that is going on because you have things to do.

Chionged another TVB serial last night. Devil's Disciples was great. I miss the times i chionged dvds so last night was a great night. Finished the whole serial in just one night.

When i told my mum i needed a psychiatrist, she thinks that i'm joking. I don't know. I need to settle my problems and i'm not sure if i can do it alone. god damn it.

I need to seek help, soon.

I have no idea why, everyday is not as fun anymore. The life in me is slowly starting to dissolve. I'm scared, fucking scared. Why am i experiencing all this?

So, today morning i went to NUH to see the Cardiologist. He told me that if i were to be confirmed with this disease (marfan disease), one of the veins in my heart would explode when i reach the age of 40? ohh, and i cant have kids cos it would be passed down.So he did a few test on me and have to do a heart scan and a eye test. Heart scans are a bore. I spent 40mins in a dark room with a nurse rubbing my chest. The test shows that i have blood reversing from my heart when blood is pumped into my heart. He says it's because the valve is crooked. Eye test is next week. Don't think i'm going to be so unlucky lah.

Anyway, Happy Birthday to Pearlyn Chua! Can get license alrd leh!

That, was a freaking scary moment.

Wa sian. Today was supposed to be a very fun day but instead, it was freakin boring. There was nothing to do at home and i ended up with a headache. I am feeling very down nowadays. Well, i know the reason and it's the same old reason. It's haunting me wherever i go, i fear it alot. I don't fear anything as much as i fear it. Even as i speak of it, i can feel the fear. I'm so darn freaking scared.

I'm back baby and no, i didn't bring sexy along.

Korea was not fun but relaxing. Holidays are always good for getaways. There are some people i dont want to see or even think about but there are people whom i wish i could spend my every moment with. It is a 50-50 thing. There just some things that i have to let go. The sea is always calm before the storm comes. I'm not sure if im prepared.

The 3 of us -mum,cousin and i went to korea for a free and easy trip. None of us went there before or speak korean. We just survived on a piece of map. Korean trains are so fun. We went to several places ourselves and shopped around. You have to be very rich to go there and buy the stuffs that you like. I'm only rich enough to go there, not buy stuffs.

Went to take my pay just now. I'm glad that there is extra money in my bank. Makes me feel good. I need to work more. School is starting and i bet they're gonna call me back for a portfolio review. They are definitely going to be harsh on me and i'm not prepared for it.

I'm leaving for thailand later. take care.

Leaving.

It's 4.44am now. Yup, just as i've guessed it, I couldn't sleep. I know that i would never be able to sleep the night before i fly off. The feeling is just the same, i feel weird and i don't want to leave. My eyes can't even close but i'm freaking tired. I want to meet alvin and hear his laughters, i want to see shifu and laugh at his english. I want to lie on siying's shoulder and tell her to eat more. I want to eat with pearlyn so that i can finish all the rice and grow fat. I want to meet bestie and just slack with no worries. I want to talk about the past with vivian. I think i'm just suffering from pre-flight depression. It always happens. I'd most probably delete this post when i get back. I think i'm weird.

This picture was taken about 2 years ago.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE PEOPLE I GREW UP WITH!

ROYSTON KOH & VIVIAN KOH.

They are like part of my family, like my brother and sister. Take care and fun! :D